sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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