He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
