I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize