Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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