Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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