Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
