FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
