i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
