Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
