Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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