First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
