Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Randomize
