My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
