I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
