Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
