i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
