Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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