You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
