The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
