the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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