so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
