she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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