I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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