i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Come on in and take your pants off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
