Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
