i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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