I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
