He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Houston, we have a blender
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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