if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
a search helicopter?!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
