New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize