She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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