I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize