I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
