there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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