One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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