the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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