Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There's always time for handjobs
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
