so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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