im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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