Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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