dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
