I wish my penis had an off switch
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize