someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. Thereβs a church congregation that knows all my business
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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