If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize