i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
