Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
