pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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