how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
