i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
