help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
