After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Text me some of your sweat
Congratulations! We have a period
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