My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
