One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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