I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
