Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize