I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
