I feel like abortions should bother me more
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
