This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
