I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
