I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize