It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
