end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He shit in the fireplace
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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