Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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