drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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