If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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